I loved your overall theme and color choice. It was dark and mysterious and totally fitting to your theme and topic. I really enjoyed reading your introduction. I love crime TV shows (mostly Criminal Minds) and so I thought this introduction was really interesting. I thought you did an excellent job of setting up the situation and revealing some aspects of what your stories will be about. I like that you started out with questions and kept a mysterious air about your writing. It will be cool to see how your stories play out, because unlike the crime TV shows I watch yours include magic. This is really cool element that will make your stories even more entertaining. The picture is equally creepy but also intriguing for the subject matter. My only suggestion would be to maybe break up the mass of text on the left. Just into a few paragraphs so it won’t be as intimidating to read. The spaces help the reader flow through the text. Also, I think your first and second paragraphs are different fonts. I may be wrong, but they look slightly different. Other than that, I think it looks great! Your topic seems really intriguing and your stories sound like they will be very interesting and fun to read. I think you did a great job of drawing the reader in and raising some questions as to what the stories will be like.
Hey Chelsey, I loved the idea of your storybook. To me, it seems like a Sherlock Holmes character set in a Harry Potter world. The lurking in the shadows made me think of Batman (and the Dark Knight trilogy) which will make for a very interesting story! I thought the theme you picked was perfect for the character and style that you decided to go with. I thought you also did a good job on presenting stories from the character's childhood to demonstrate how he got to where he is in the story's present day. I thought it was interesting that you said some of the more detailed stories would be open-ended, but that you would give us your conclusion. The skull picture gives a very dark idea as if many of the stories would be murders. The fonts seem to be two different sizes which is something I notice happens when you copy-paste into the space instead of typing into it.
For your coverpage, you have a single picture that shows a man in an alley. It has the right vibe for the story but in the introduction you talk mostly about a forest. That might be something to think about moving forward. Looks great so far, good luck!
Hi Chelsey. I will be commenting on you google site. In particular your home page and introduction. Upon clicking on you page. I thought that you have done a great job so far. I use of background and pictures is amazing. It really is not what I was expecting as I was expecting to see a lot of pink and purple, stars, and fairy tale like things. So please excuse my ignorance. Your page is very eye catching and it has a Sherlock Holmes feel. I feel like I am about to read stories on investigation. So good job for keeping us guessing. Looking at the picture from your introduction of the skull itself is scary. I thoroughly enjoyed the integration of a private detective and the use of fairytales. You are indeed very creative. The question at the very beginning is sort of like an ad, or something from the show cheaters. I can already tell your site is going to turn out to be amazing. The use of background, text, images is very spot on. I really like how at the end of your introduction, you are taking the readers on an investigation with you. Leaving us to make our own conclusion about what’s to come.
I chose your story from the list based completely on the title! So good job there. And I stayed to learn more because your introduction was so fabulously intriguing! I love the idea of a detective hidden in the shadows who has been helping fairy tale characters achieve their happy endings all this time. That is a very clever idea. I am also enjoying this sense of ominous darkness you have going in the introduction with the skull picture and the writing style. It makes the whole story very mysterious.
The beginning of your first story feels very ambiguous as to what woman has come to which room. Some description here would be really helpful.
At the end of your fourth paragraph, the tense changes from past to present and continues to change throughout the story. I would choose just one tense to write in.
In the introduction, you said that Wolfgang would solve his cases through observation and deduction. But in the end, he solves the case through pure luck because the answer to the case wasn't figured out but stumbled upon. I have to say that I was disappointed by this because I was expecting a very intelligent and logical course of action. As a reader, I didn't get a chance to try and solve the mystery, which is typically frowned upon in mysteries.
I really loved your first story in your storybook! This was really good. I absolutely love the story of Rumpelstiltskin. It was my favorite tale growing up, so I was really excited when I realized what story you were going with! The ending I remember was that the little man turned into stone he was so angry that the queen had discovered his name, I’m not sure if that’s how your original story you read went, but I’m sure there are multiple versions! I really enjoyed the detective aspect of this, too! It was almost as if I were in the home of Sherlock Holmes! This is very nicely written. I loved how you described the stature of the queen when she appeared on Wolfgang’s door step. This allowed me to have an image of her in my head! It was awesome. One suggestion though, I found the first couple of paragraphs a little choppy with the dialogue. I know conjunctions aren’t supposed to be used in writings, but for dialogue I believe it’s okay. It probably would flow a tiny bit better with that! That’s just a really small thing though! I can’t wait to see the rest of your writings!
Hi, Chelsey! I really like the idea for your storybook! I like your color scheme. I think it’s very fitting for the crime solving narrator. I thought your introduction was clever. It reminded me a lot of Sherlock Holmes in the descriptions and voice of the character. The setting and types of stories you will be telling reminded me a lot of the TV show, Once Upon a Time. The combination of those two types of stories is really interesting.
The Rumpelstiltskin story was good. However, I was a little disappointed there wasn’t more ‘deducing and observation’ in the story. While I agree that luck plays a part in the best many crime solving cases, I was expecting the stories to change more from the original to have Wolfgang be a more active participant. I also would have liked to see more description, especially of the queen. I think a character like Wolfgang would be analyzing his clients to decipher all he could from their appearance and behavior.
I do look forward to see what stories you chose for the next ones. I think your idea is fantastic and there are a lot of different ways you could take your storybook in the coming weeks. Good luck!
So we were in a group together last week and I loved your first story, so this week I decided to comment on your Introduction because that, too, was awesome. The entire time I was reading your Intro, I was reading it in a British accent? Haha I don’t know if that was your intention, but I’ve got this Sherlock Holmes label of Wolfgang, hence the British accent. He seems so mysterious and interesting and I can’t stop reading! I love the background you’ve chosen for your Storybook, it’s serious and shique. Just what the tone of Wolfgang needs! My favorite part of your intro was when you had Wolfgang explaining what he could deduce from someone just from their fingernails and book straps. That was just perfect. I love the skull that you have at the beginning of the introduction too; it’s very foreboding and makes me want to read everything. Wolfgang has such a strong voice, he knows what he wants and how to go after it. Regardless of whether or not we are in the same group again in another week, you’ll be my extra comment each time because I really want to know what Wolfgang has experienced!
I think your layout and format works very well for your storybook. I think it is definitely what one would expect for this type of theme. The reason I picked to read your storybook was because of the title. It really intrigued me, so good job on that. I really enjoyed reading your first story. It was nice to read a story I have never read before. This story was very well written, I thought. I also liked how you got the story across in a timely manner. I know sometimes I have a hard time not making my stories too long. I also thought your font was really clear and easy to read, I have had a hard time with some of the storybooks I have read. I loved your crime solving theme! I am a sucker for all of those crime solving shows so it was nice to read something I was interested in. I thought it was funny how the detective was trying so hard to figure out the name and then as he was walking, he just happened to hear the little mans name! It was fate! Great job this week! I look forward to your other stories. It would also be nice to read a story that I have heard before so I could see how you would change it up a bit! Good luck with the rest of your storybook :)
Hello! Your storybook caught my eye this week because of the title, so that was a great start! As far as the cover page goes, I like it but I think there may be some room for improvement. When seeing the picture that you chose, I don't think we are talking about fairytales anymore, and for that reason I almost changed pages. Especially when I got to the introduction, and the picture there didn't seem to relate to a fairytale either. But as far as the writing is concerned, you did a great job of writing. You can tell you're very good at descriptions because your imagery and word choice is amazing! I also really liked your first story. My one main question though was that was finding out that it was rumplestilskin all he needed to know to solve the mystery? How did he end up protecting her from there? I feel like the story could have been better if there would have been more action involved. That's just my personal opinion though. I think a different picture on that first story could help a little more too. Overall though, I think you picked a great way to tell your story. It is very creative and I can't wait to see how you continue it throughout the rest of your stories. Keep up the great work!
Hey Chelsey, I just wanted to say thank you for your comments on my storybook! Your advice on adding a picture of the explorer was very helpful and your encouraging words were very much appreciated. Thank you!
My first thoughts upon seeing your cover page are that you picked a GREAT color scheme. I think that the colors really all flow and work nicely together. Also do a great job of complementing each other! I really liked the picture that you put on your cover page because it looks so mysterious and I think that it really draws people in. The fact that you have grabbed the reader’s attention based on your picture is great because sometimes pictures are the first things a persons eye will go to. Once you have grasped the attention of the reader you are set, you have done that so great job! I think that your introduction post is great! I wasn’t sure what to expect with the title and colors of the cover page so I kind of thought everything was going to be dark but after reading the introduction I found out that this character wants to help everyone not harm them as I originally thought! I think that since you involved some stories of his past cases was a great idea because it allowed the reader to see what he has done in the past and maybe add ideas for cases he will do later on! I think you have done a great job so far and I really look forward to checking back in later this semester and seeing what happens next! Great job!
Hi Chelsey! I just wanted to thank you for ALL of the posts you have written over the semester so far! I think you are the one who comments the most on my stories and though I haven't seen you make any suggestions, you definitely give a great confidence boost! Having someone who comments so often and always has such good things to say is so nice and it really helps me to find inspiration to keep making stories I think everyone will enjoy. I also love that we have the same background in our blogs! :D Thanks again for all of your support! Have a fantabulous weekend!
Hi Chelsey, I picked your storybook to comment on this week for extra credit. When I was reading through the list of storybooks to chose from, when I saw your title, it caught my attention. I have seen many people do storybooks about fairytales, and I love to see the different twists they put on the stories or how they retell them. Everyone always seems to find a great way to retell the fairy tales, but I do not think I have seen anyone turn the fairy tales into case files. What an interesting and unique way to set up your storybook! I think the colors you picked for your storybook are absolutely perfect for your theme. I have seen other storybooks that have a dark or mysterious themes, so adding black and dark greys are great ways of continuing that theme! Also, I always like when someone changes the point of view of the story. Telling the story from someone else's view is a great way to see the story from a different side. It gives you a different feel of the story. I really liked your storybook and I can't wait to read more!
Hey Chelsey! This is my first time getting the chance to check out your storybook and I have to say that I really like what you did with your cover page! I think that the black and blue background and the man in blue in an alley way is a perfect set up for the tone I assume you will be using throughout your stories. I makes me think of the Sherlock Holmes movies!
The picture of the skeleton head on your introduction is definitely an attention grabber as were the slightly creepy opening questions! As I mentioned above, your character, Wolfgang, sounds a LOT like Holmes, which I absolutely love! Your introduction left me so curious about what your future stories will be about! I am sure that you left several hints in there, so it will be fun to read the stories and then see how the intro makes sense!
I think that you have a very fun topic idea and a very entertaining writing style. Your have set up your introduction wonderfully and had a great flow to your story! Wonderful job and I look forward to possibly reading more of your storybook in the future!
Hi, Chelsey! I previously looked at your introduction and Rumpelstiltskin story, so this time I’m just going to focus on the ‘Study in Footware’. I thought this story was very good. The story was very Sherlock Holmes-ish, and fit very well with your theme and introduction. I loved that you included details about other magical creatures in your story. The parts about looking for pixie dust and there not being gold so it couldn’t be leprechauns making the shoes really added to the story. I also loved that you named the pub, the ‘Poison Apple’. It was very interesting seeing Wolfgang look for clues and explore options for letting the shoemaker find the elves after he deduced what they were. I also loved the addition of the notes into the story. I think that was really sweet to add for the shoemaker to show his appreciation and to know what the elves do after they leave his shop.
There were only a couple of mistakes I noticed throughout the story. In the third paragraph you have a sentence that ends with “enough money to by leather for one pair of shoes” and you should change *by to *buy. Also, at the beginning of that same paragraph, I thought you might have meant ‘tavern’ instead of “cavern”.
I really liked reading your story and I’ll definitely be checking out your next! Great job!
First let me say that I love your coverpage for your storybook. The photo you chose was mysterious and I wondered what your storybook would be about. I didn’t know what to expect when I started to read the introduction. Would it be mystery or would it be something dark?
The introduction was very interesting too!! I love that we’re getting to talk to someone who is a detective. Homicide investigation is one of my favorite subjects, so you immediately grabbed my attention here. What’s great is that you took that whole investigating in our world and flipped it on its ear because our investigator from your story operates inside the Enchanted Forest, where nothing is as it appears to be.
I chose to read your second story, “A Study in Footwear.” (what girl doesn’t like shoes? – I mean really). I thought this story was very cute and sweet at the end…but the lead-up to this was very intriguing. I wondered who or what was helping Florian. And, like with some of my stories, I adore the fact that Florian left the little helpers a note and gifts to thank them for their kindness and helpfulness. So many say that no good deed goes unpunished, but I believe that there is never a punishment in helping someone. It’s what makes us “human.”
Chelsey, I thoroughly enjoyed your storytelling abilities. You tell these stories in such a way as to drag the reader into your literary world. I enjoyed your storybook very much! Keep up the great writing!!!
BTW Chelsey, in regards to your post about my storybook…yes, purple is my favorite color (I’m so transparent-lol). And I chose to tell these stories through the eyes of the wolves because the wolf is my daughter’s favorite animal.
I picked your storybook project for my free choice this week; your title really caught my attention! The Fairytale Case Files is such a unique and creative idea! Your cover page looks really good! The color scheme of your layout and the picture you selected really set the stage for the overall theme of your stories.
The introduction also looks great. I like that you gave background information on Wolfgang Forrester. He seems like a very reliable detective! Also, the example cases that you provided were great! They weren’t typical detective cases, so they are a perfect fit for your storybook. It’s also a nice touch that they are Wolfgang’s favorite cases.
Your first story also looks to be in great shape. I really like how you transformed the original story into a mystery. I did not read this particular unit, but your author’s note was very helpful, and I am already convinced that your retelling is better than the original! I also like that you kept the moral of the story the same. It is a very useful lesson that anyone can benefit from. You have done a really nice job so far, and I am looking forward to reading more!
Chelsey, I chose to read your storybook this week for my one free choice. I decided to read yours because I thought telling classic fairytales from the viewpoint of a detective would be a nice spin on some of our beloved childhood stories. The layout and scheme of your storybook looks great. The picture on your welcome page definitely looks like a detective lurking in the shadows as described in your introduction. Your detective reminds me a little of the frog from Hoodwinked. He seems like he is really good at his job. However, his line about telling what kind of animal they are by their bootstraps is seems a little unnecessary. Why would he not just look at the animal? Unless they were disguised, which could be the kind of animals he encounters. However, the introduction in its entirety is well written and does a good job of leading the reader into the following stories. I read the story “What’s your name?” The first thing I noticed is that there is something odd with your font. It looks different from other pages and it doesn’t blend well with this page, so I would suggest checking that out. The story, however, was great. It was a clever way to add your storyteller into the story of Rumpelstiltskin.
Hi Chelsey, I think that its funny that your sight reminds me a lot of Sherlock while mine reminded you of Supernatural. I've seen the first season of Supernatural and liked it but I just never got around to finish it. Anyway I think you've done a very good job so far. You set up the character and plot for you storybook very well in the introduction as well as give some good background information that gives a feel of how your storybook is going to go. I also like how you put a different spin on the classic story of Rumpelstiltskin but keep a lot of the same elements the same as well as having your super sleuth only solve the case with luck. I also like your second story, it had a very uplifting feel due to your edits from the original story. Your site also looks very nice, it has a very straight forward and organized feel to it. The only suggestion I would say would be to fix the font and its background in the "What's your name?" section; I had to do a double take to make sure I didn't have everything highlighted for some reason. Great job and I look forward to seeing where you go with your next story.
I think you have one of the most intriguing introductions I’ve read yet. I got a clear sense of Wolfgang’s character, and I was annoyed by the fact that he was talking to an unknown person. You did a really good job! I did have one issue with your introduction, though. I may have just read it weird, but here it is. There’s a sort of story shift between your third and fourth paragraphs in the introduction. The third makes it seem like I’ve come to Wolfgang with a case, but then the next paragraph Wolfgang discusses his favorite cases. It was really weird, like the storybook was going one way and then flipped to something completely different. Just a line where he’s like, “ah so you are not here with a case but rather wish for something else” and then he goes into how he got started in this business and so on. There just needs to be a transition between those two paragraphs because as is they do not make a lot of sense. Wolfgang seems like a timely man who wouldn’t bore himself with telling a stranger some stories, but then apparently he does. He tells the person not to bore him, and then he goes on to tell stories. I don’t know. I’m just rambling now, but hopefully you fix it because it really bugged me.
I was really intrigued by the title of your story! The theme of your home page creates a sort of dark and mysterious atmosphere, so I was curious to see what the actual story would be about. I really love the image you chose to include on the home page; the dark black and white background makes me think of a crime mystery, and the narrow alleyway the man in standing in reminds me of London or another European city. I think your home page does a great job of setting the mood for your tale, but if I had one suggestion, it would be to make the image a little bit larger. There seems to be empty space around your image, so making it larger would fill that space and also enable the readers to see the details of the image without clicking on it.
Your introduction to the storybook is fantastic. I really like the name you came up with for the protagonist "Wolfgang Forrester." It seems like a very fitting name for a detective in a fantasy realm. His very confident attitude and deduction abilities remind me of Sherlock Holmes. The idea of the wizard giving the cat wings, and Wolfgang and his friend having to coax it down was funny. I can't wait to see what trouble he gets into in the next tale!
I just realized that I haven't had a chance to read your storybook yet! I was very intrigued by the title when I was reading through the list so I decided to go ahead and read it this week! I think your storybook looks great overall. I really liked the mysterious look of your blog and the colors/fonts that you chose!
Your introduction was awesome. I thought it was really interested that you thought to make fairy tales a different type of story through the use of the main detective character. The introduction was detailed but not so detailed that I knew exactly what was going to happen. It kept me wanting to read the rest.
In addition to your introduction being great, your stories were also SO COOL! I never thought I would read Rumplestiskin, a story from the Grimm Brothers, or even Hansel and Grethel in this way. I loved that you were able to keep the story's overall plot still, yet give it a spin that kept the reader interested. Great job!
I starting reading through your storybook last week and really enjoyed it, so I decided to come back this week and read a few more tales about the exciting Wolfgang Forrester.
The story "What's your name?" was really interesting! I like how you were able to convey Wolfgang's intelligence and cunning through his observation deduction skills. He seems very adamant that he gets every detail of the story. I guess this is important for a proper deduction! I felt bad for the woman in the story; it seems she continually gets put into bad circumstances through no fault of her own, but instead the greedy actions of others. First, her mean father decides to make up a story about her, and trades her away for the hopes of gaining his own riches (he's certainly not getting a father of the year award). Then, the king that takes her sticks her in a room and threatens to kill her if she doesn't complete the impossible. After she completes this seemingly impossible task, the king still doesn't let her go, and threatens to kill her again. What a jerk! I'm glad through the help of Wolfgang, that everything worked out in the end.
I think your did a great job in how to approach these fairy tales. I love the idea of having a detective dive into exploring what really happens. Your introduction sets the scene perfectly with Wolfgang Forrester and his background as a detective in the enchanted forest. It really grabs the reader’s attention and gets them interested in what stories you are going to have Wolfgang Forrester uncover. The last lines of the introduction are a great way to keep the reader wanting more but not giving away too much.
The story I read was “What’s Your Name?” I thought this title was very clever! As a kid I never understood what the name Rumpelstiltskin meant and so this play on that as the title was clever and funny. It was clever to have the miller’s daughter be the one telling the story and have Wolfgang ties into the story by being the messenger to the queen. It allowed a perfect way for you to tie detective Wolfgang into your story and still follow the basic principle of the tale. I was somewhat distracted by the dialogue switching back and forth in the middle of the paragraph to keep up with who was speaking and saying what, but overall I was able to follow it. I also noticed a minor spelling error in your Author’s note for this tale. In the third sentence of the Author’s note, I believe you meant to say change not chance. Overall great story and I enjoyed your retelling!
Chelsey, I chose to read your storybook again this week because I thought it was such a great theme/topic for a storybook. Also, I really loved reading them the first time because they were so interesting. I have now read "Breadcrumbs" which I think is my favorite story so far. I think it was such a great idea to have Wolfgang find the witch in the oven, and even though it was so gruesome and graphic how you added in all the details about what she looked like, I loved it! It definitely added to your story and it really reminded me of a movie or a television show. I can't wait to see what you add to the story in the second part. I think it is going to be great, and you really left us with a cliffhanger at the end. I will definitely have to come back and finish the story. Good job and good luck on the rest of your story! I can't wait to read it soon!
Whenever I start reading your storybook, the narrator voice in my head instantly turns into one of those stereotypical New York-accented detective voices. It sounds cheesy, but it's just so easy to imagine a detective sitting behind a desk in his office, smoking and wearing some kind of super suave suit. This is all because of the theme you chose and the kind of writing you use. My favorite line has to be, "Murder in the Enchanted Forest. That's right, I said murder." I think just that alone would make me imagine all of the above. :)
I absolutely love the detective spin you took on these stories. I'm a sucker for classic stories that are told from a unique perspective! For example, I never bothered to think about what happened at the end of Hansel and Grethel. Someone must have stumbled upon that mess, though, and you described it very well. I can't wait to see what you pick for your last story!
Hey Chelsey, I really liked your story so I had to come back and read the rest!
For your first story, the story of Rumplestiltskin was an excellent one for a mystery. I thought it was interesting that the woman who became queen was excited to marry the man who threatened her with death if she was unable to spin the thread into gold. I could totally picture a detective walking around attempting to find the answer of the riddle and stumbling upon the little man who had done the extortion. This story was an excellent retelling and I loved your change in perspective on it.
The second story was also paced excellently and proved to be a different kind of mystery. I really enjoyed that it was a lighter mystery to find a helper rather than a killer or a kidnapper. The picture you used was great; those shoes look awesome. Like the detective I am not much of a shoe person but I do appreciate a good looking pair of shoes. Overall I thought your stories were excellent and I look forward to coming back for more! Great job!
Chelsey! Thank you for commenting on my Princess Constellations storybook earlier this semester. I had intended to take all cultures. Since the stars see all (literally in the whole world as it spins!) I found it would be a good way to connect all cultures and princesses.
What made me choose to do this was I picked a central theme (the stars) and what kind of stories they could connect... I did think about animals, certain people, etc. but one thing I found that could be noted in most cultures was Royalty. So I picked princesses! Also I did not see many storybooks with princesses so there's that. :)
Hi Chelsey!! I am reading your storybook for the first time this week for the LAST week of commenting! It's so crazy how fast this class has gone by! I really really loved your storybook! First of all, I really am so judgmental with storybooks and only click the titles that are most interesting! So obviously I thought you had a really creative title and really drew me in! I thought your idea for your storybook was really creative!! It definitely made me think of Robert Downey Jr. from Sherlock Holmes for some reason. The whole time I was imagining him saying everything! Your introduction did a really great job at capturing my attention and I constantly was having fun reading through the stories! I really like the way you embodied the character and had him asking hard questions to everyone as a real detective would. I love the Rumplestiltskin story! It totally took me back to my childhood! I remember reading that story over and over and always imagining meeting him! Breadcrumbs was definitely my favorite though! I was so entertained and really was eager to learn what would happen next! It looks like you had a lot of fun writing this! Really really great job!
I loved your overall theme and color choice. It was dark and mysterious and totally fitting to your theme and topic. I really enjoyed reading your introduction. I love crime TV shows (mostly Criminal Minds) and so I thought this introduction was really interesting. I thought you did an excellent job of setting up the situation and revealing some aspects of what your stories will be about. I like that you started out with questions and kept a mysterious air about your writing. It will be cool to see how your stories play out, because unlike the crime TV shows I watch yours include magic. This is really cool element that will make your stories even more entertaining. The picture is equally creepy but also intriguing for the subject matter. My only suggestion would be to maybe break up the mass of text on the left. Just into a few paragraphs so it won’t be as intimidating to read. The spaces help the reader flow through the text. Also, I think your first and second paragraphs are different fonts. I may be wrong, but they look slightly different. Other than that, I think it looks great! Your topic seems really intriguing and your stories sound like they will be very interesting and fun to read. I think you did a great job of drawing the reader in and raising some questions as to what the stories will be like.
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ReplyDeleteHey Chelsey, I loved the idea of your storybook. To me, it seems like a Sherlock Holmes character set in a Harry Potter world. The lurking in the shadows made me think of Batman (and the Dark Knight trilogy) which will make for a very interesting story! I thought the theme you picked was perfect for the character and style that you decided to go with. I thought you also did a good job on presenting stories from the character's childhood to demonstrate how he got to where he is in the story's present day. I thought it was interesting that you said some of the more detailed stories would be open-ended, but that you would give us your conclusion. The skull picture gives a very dark idea as if many of the stories would be murders. The fonts seem to be two different sizes which is something I notice happens when you copy-paste into the space instead of typing into it.
ReplyDeleteFor your coverpage, you have a single picture that shows a man in an alley. It has the right vibe for the story but in the introduction you talk mostly about a forest. That might be something to think about moving forward. Looks great so far, good luck!
Hi Chelsey. I will be commenting on you google site. In particular your home page and introduction. Upon clicking on you page. I thought that you have done a great job so far. I use of background and pictures is amazing. It really is not what I was expecting as I was expecting to see a lot of pink and purple, stars, and fairy tale like things. So please excuse my ignorance. Your page is very eye catching and it has a Sherlock Holmes feel. I feel like I am about to read stories on investigation. So good job for keeping us guessing.
ReplyDeleteLooking at the picture from your introduction of the skull itself is scary. I thoroughly enjoyed the integration of a private detective and the use of fairytales. You are indeed very creative. The question at the very beginning is sort of like an ad, or something from the show cheaters. I can already tell your site is going to turn out to be amazing. The use of background, text, images is very spot on. I really like how at the end of your introduction, you are taking the readers on an investigation with you. Leaving us to make our own conclusion about what’s to come.
I chose your story from the list based completely on the title! So good job there. And I stayed to learn more because your introduction was so fabulously intriguing! I love the idea of a detective hidden in the shadows who has been helping fairy tale characters achieve their happy endings all this time. That is a very clever idea. I am also enjoying this sense of ominous darkness you have going in the introduction with the skull picture and the writing style. It makes the whole story very mysterious.
ReplyDeleteThe beginning of your first story feels very ambiguous as to what woman has come to which room. Some description here would be really helpful.
At the end of your fourth paragraph, the tense changes from past to present and continues to change throughout the story. I would choose just one tense to write in.
In the introduction, you said that Wolfgang would solve his cases through observation and deduction. But in the end, he solves the case through pure luck because the answer to the case wasn't figured out but stumbled upon. I have to say that I was disappointed by this because I was expecting a very intelligent and logical course of action. As a reader, I didn't get a chance to try and solve the mystery, which is typically frowned upon in mysteries.
Heya Chelsey!
ReplyDeleteI really loved your first story in your storybook! This was really good. I absolutely love the story of Rumpelstiltskin. It was my favorite tale growing up, so I was really excited when I realized what story you were going with! The ending I remember was that the little man turned into stone he was so angry that the queen had discovered his name, I’m not sure if that’s how your original story you read went, but I’m sure there are multiple versions! I really enjoyed the detective aspect of this, too! It was almost as if I were in the home of Sherlock Holmes! This is very nicely written. I loved how you described the stature of the queen when she appeared on Wolfgang’s door step. This allowed me to have an image of her in my head! It was awesome. One suggestion though, I found the first couple of paragraphs a little choppy with the dialogue. I know conjunctions aren’t supposed to be used in writings, but for dialogue I believe it’s okay. It probably would flow a tiny bit better with that! That’s just a really small thing though! I can’t wait to see the rest of your writings!
Hi, Chelsey! I really like the idea for your storybook! I like your color scheme. I think it’s very fitting for the crime solving narrator. I thought your introduction was clever. It reminded me a lot of Sherlock Holmes in the descriptions and voice of the character. The setting and types of stories you will be telling reminded me a lot of the TV show, Once Upon a Time. The combination of those two types of stories is really interesting.
ReplyDeleteThe Rumpelstiltskin story was good. However, I was a little disappointed there wasn’t more ‘deducing and observation’ in the story. While I agree that luck plays a part in the best many crime solving cases, I was expecting the stories to change more from the original to have Wolfgang be a more active participant. I also would have liked to see more description, especially of the queen. I think a character like Wolfgang would be analyzing his clients to decipher all he could from their appearance and behavior.
I do look forward to see what stories you chose for the next ones. I think your idea is fantastic and there are a lot of different ways you could take your storybook in the coming weeks. Good luck!
Hi Chelsey!
ReplyDeleteSo we were in a group together last week and I loved your first story, so this week I decided to comment on your Introduction because that, too, was awesome. The entire time I was reading your Intro, I was reading it in a British accent? Haha I don’t know if that was your intention, but I’ve got this Sherlock Holmes label of Wolfgang, hence the British accent. He seems so mysterious and interesting and I can’t stop reading! I love the background you’ve chosen for your Storybook, it’s serious and shique. Just what the tone of Wolfgang needs! My favorite part of your intro was when you had Wolfgang explaining what he could deduce from someone just from their fingernails and book straps. That was just perfect. I love the skull that you have at the beginning of the introduction too; it’s very foreboding and makes me want to read everything. Wolfgang has such a strong voice, he knows what he wants and how to go after it. Regardless of whether or not we are in the same group again in another week, you’ll be my extra comment each time because I really want to know what Wolfgang has experienced!
Hi Chelsey,
ReplyDeleteI think your layout and format works very well for your storybook. I think it is definitely what one would expect for this type of theme. The reason I picked to read your storybook was because of the title. It really intrigued me, so good job on that. I really enjoyed reading your first story. It was nice to read a story I have never read before. This story was very well written, I thought. I also liked how you got the story across in a timely manner. I know sometimes I have a hard time not making my stories too long. I also thought your font was really clear and easy to read, I have had a hard time with some of the storybooks I have read. I loved your crime solving theme! I am a sucker for all of those crime solving shows so it was nice to read something I was interested in. I thought it was funny how the detective was trying so hard to figure out the name and then as he was walking, he just happened to hear the little mans name! It was fate! Great job this week! I look forward to your other stories. It would also be nice to read a story that I have heard before so I could see how you would change it up a bit! Good luck with the rest of your storybook :)
Hello!
ReplyDeleteYour storybook caught my eye this week because of the title, so that was a great start! As far as the cover page goes, I like it but I think there may be some room for improvement. When seeing the picture that you chose, I don't think we are talking about fairytales anymore, and for that reason I almost changed pages. Especially when I got to the introduction, and the picture there didn't seem to relate to a fairytale either. But as far as the writing is concerned, you did a great job of writing. You can tell you're very good at descriptions because your imagery and word choice is amazing! I also really liked your first story. My one main question though was that was finding out that it was rumplestilskin all he needed to know to solve the mystery? How did he end up protecting her from there? I feel like the story could have been better if there would have been more action involved. That's just my personal opinion though. I think a different picture on that first story could help a little more too. Overall though, I think you picked a great way to tell your story. It is very creative and I can't wait to see how you continue it throughout the rest of your stories. Keep up the great work!
Hey Chelsey, I just wanted to say thank you for your comments on my storybook! Your advice on adding a picture of the explorer was very helpful and your encouraging words were very much appreciated. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteMy first thoughts upon seeing your cover page are that you picked a GREAT color scheme. I think that the colors really all flow and work nicely together. Also do a great job of complementing each other! I really liked the picture that you put on your cover page because it looks so mysterious and I think that it really draws people in. The fact that you have grabbed the reader’s attention based on your picture is great because sometimes pictures are the first things a persons eye will go to. Once you have grasped the attention of the reader you are set, you have done that so great job! I think that your introduction post is great! I wasn’t sure what to expect with the title and colors of the cover page so I kind of thought everything was going to be dark but after reading the introduction I found out that this character wants to help everyone not harm them as I originally thought! I think that since you involved some stories of his past cases was a great idea because it allowed the reader to see what he has done in the past and maybe add ideas for cases he will do later on! I think you have done a great job so far and I really look forward to checking back in later this semester and seeing what happens next! Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Chelsey! I just wanted to thank you for ALL of the posts you have written over the semester so far! I think you are the one who comments the most on my stories and though I haven't seen you make any suggestions, you definitely give a great confidence boost! Having someone who comments so often and always has such good things to say is so nice and it really helps me to find inspiration to keep making stories I think everyone will enjoy. I also love that we have the same background in our blogs! :D Thanks again for all of your support! Have a fantabulous weekend!
ReplyDeleteHi Chelsey, I picked your storybook to comment on this week for extra credit. When I was reading through the list of storybooks to chose from, when I saw your title, it caught my attention. I have seen many people do storybooks about fairytales, and I love to see the different twists they put on the stories or how they retell them. Everyone always seems to find a great way to retell the fairy tales, but I do not think I have seen anyone turn the fairy tales into case files. What an interesting and unique way to set up your storybook! I think the colors you picked for your storybook are absolutely perfect for your theme. I have seen other storybooks that have a dark or mysterious themes, so adding black and dark greys are great ways of continuing that theme! Also, I always like when someone changes the point of view of the story. Telling the story from someone else's view is a great way to see the story from a different side. It gives you a different feel of the story. I really liked your storybook and I can't wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteHey Chelsey! This is my first time getting the chance to check out your storybook and I have to say that I really like what you did with your cover page! I think that the black and blue background and the man in blue in an alley way is a perfect set up for the tone I assume you will be using throughout your stories. I makes me think of the Sherlock Holmes movies!
ReplyDeleteThe picture of the skeleton head on your introduction is definitely an attention grabber as were the slightly creepy opening questions! As I mentioned above, your character, Wolfgang, sounds a LOT like Holmes, which I absolutely love! Your introduction left me so curious about what your future stories will be about! I am sure that you left several hints in there, so it will be fun to read the stories and then see how the intro makes sense!
I think that you have a very fun topic idea and a very entertaining writing style. Your have set up your introduction wonderfully and had a great flow to your story! Wonderful job and I look forward to possibly reading more of your storybook in the future!
Hi, Chelsey! I previously looked at your introduction and Rumpelstiltskin story, so this time I’m just going to focus on the ‘Study in Footware’. I thought this story was very good. The story was very Sherlock Holmes-ish, and fit very well with your theme and introduction. I loved that you included details about other magical creatures in your story. The parts about looking for pixie dust and there not being gold so it couldn’t be leprechauns making the shoes really added to the story. I also loved that you named the pub, the ‘Poison Apple’. It was very interesting seeing Wolfgang look for clues and explore options for letting the shoemaker find the elves after he deduced what they were. I also loved the addition of the notes into the story. I think that was really sweet to add for the shoemaker to show his appreciation and to know what the elves do after they leave his shop.
ReplyDeleteThere were only a couple of mistakes I noticed throughout the story. In the third paragraph you have a sentence that ends with “enough money to by leather for one pair of shoes” and you should change *by to *buy. Also, at the beginning of that same paragraph, I thought you might have meant ‘tavern’ instead of “cavern”.
I really liked reading your story and I’ll definitely be checking out your next! Great job!
First let me say that I love your coverpage for your storybook. The photo you chose was mysterious and I wondered what your storybook would be about. I didn’t know what to expect when I started to read the introduction. Would it be mystery or would it be something dark?
ReplyDeleteThe introduction was very interesting too!! I love that we’re getting to talk to someone who is a detective. Homicide investigation is one of my favorite subjects, so you immediately grabbed my attention here. What’s great is that you took that whole investigating in our world and flipped it on its ear because our investigator from your story operates inside the Enchanted Forest, where nothing is as it appears to be.
I chose to read your second story, “A Study in Footwear.” (what girl doesn’t like shoes? – I mean really). I thought this story was very cute and sweet at the end…but the lead-up to this was very intriguing. I wondered who or what was helping Florian. And, like with some of my stories, I adore the fact that Florian left the little helpers a note and gifts to thank them for their kindness and helpfulness. So many say that no good deed goes unpunished, but I believe that there is never a punishment in helping someone. It’s what makes us “human.”
Chelsey, I thoroughly enjoyed your storytelling abilities. You tell these stories in such a way as to drag the reader into your literary world. I enjoyed your storybook very much! Keep up the great writing!!!
BTW Chelsey, in regards to your post about my storybook…yes, purple is my favorite color (I’m so transparent-lol). And I chose to tell these stories through the eyes of the wolves because the wolf is my daughter’s favorite animal.
Hi, Chelsey!
ReplyDeleteI picked your storybook project for my free choice this week; your title really caught my attention! The Fairytale Case Files is such a unique and creative idea! Your cover page looks really good! The color scheme of your layout and the picture you selected really set the stage for the overall theme of your stories.
The introduction also looks great. I like that you gave background information on Wolfgang Forrester. He seems like a very reliable detective! Also, the example cases that you provided were great! They weren’t typical detective cases, so they are a perfect fit for your storybook. It’s also a nice touch that they are Wolfgang’s favorite cases.
Your first story also looks to be in great shape. I really like how you transformed the original story into a mystery. I did not read this particular unit, but your author’s note was very helpful, and I am already convinced that your retelling is better than the original! I also like that you kept the moral of the story the same. It is a very useful lesson that anyone can benefit from. You have done a really nice job so far, and I am looking forward to reading more!
Chelsey,
ReplyDeleteI chose to read your storybook this week for my one free choice. I decided to read yours because I thought telling classic fairytales from the viewpoint of a detective would be a nice spin on some of our beloved childhood stories. The layout and scheme of your storybook looks great. The picture on your welcome page definitely looks like a detective lurking in the shadows as described in your introduction.
Your detective reminds me a little of the frog from Hoodwinked. He seems like he is really good at his job. However, his line about telling what kind of animal they are by their bootstraps is seems a little unnecessary. Why would he not just look at the animal? Unless they were disguised, which could be the kind of animals he encounters. However, the introduction in its entirety is well written and does a good job of leading the reader into the following stories.
I read the story “What’s your name?” The first thing I noticed is that there is something odd with your font. It looks different from other pages and it doesn’t blend well with this page, so I would suggest checking that out. The story, however, was great. It was a clever way to add your storyteller into the story of Rumpelstiltskin.
Hi Chelsey,
ReplyDeleteI think that its funny that your sight reminds me a lot of Sherlock while mine reminded you of Supernatural. I've seen the first season of Supernatural and liked it but I just never got around to finish it. Anyway I think you've done a very good job so far. You set up the character and plot for you storybook very well in the introduction as well as give some good background information that gives a feel of how your storybook is going to go. I also like how you put a different spin on the classic story of Rumpelstiltskin but keep a lot of the same elements the same as well as having your super sleuth only solve the case with luck. I also like your second story, it had a very uplifting feel due to your edits from the original story.
Your site also looks very nice, it has a very straight forward and organized feel to it. The only suggestion I would say would be to fix the font and its background in the "What's your name?" section; I had to do a double take to make sure I didn't have everything highlighted for some reason.
Great job and I look forward to seeing where you go with your next story.
I think you have one of the most intriguing introductions I’ve read yet. I got a clear sense of Wolfgang’s character, and I was annoyed by the fact that he was talking to an unknown person. You did a really good job! I did have one issue with your introduction, though. I may have just read it weird, but here it is. There’s a sort of story shift between your third and fourth paragraphs in the introduction. The third makes it seem like I’ve come to Wolfgang with a case, but then the next paragraph Wolfgang discusses his favorite cases. It was really weird, like the storybook was going one way and then flipped to something completely different. Just a line where he’s like, “ah so you are not here with a case but rather wish for something else” and then he goes into how he got started in this business and so on. There just needs to be a transition between those two paragraphs because as is they do not make a lot of sense. Wolfgang seems like a timely man who wouldn’t bore himself with telling a stranger some stories, but then apparently he does. He tells the person not to bore him, and then he goes on to tell stories. I don’t know. I’m just rambling now, but hopefully you fix it because it really bugged me.
ReplyDeleteHey Chelsey!
ReplyDeleteI was really intrigued by the title of your story! The theme of your home page creates a sort of dark and mysterious atmosphere, so I was curious to see what the actual story would be about. I really love the image you chose to include on the home page; the dark black and white background makes me think of a crime mystery, and the narrow alleyway the man in standing in reminds me of London or another European city. I think your home page does a great job of setting the mood for your tale, but if I had one suggestion, it would be to make the image a little bit larger. There seems to be empty space around your image, so making it larger would fill that space and also enable the readers to see the details of the image without clicking on it.
Your introduction to the storybook is fantastic. I really like the name you came up with for the protagonist "Wolfgang Forrester." It seems like a very fitting name for a detective in a fantasy realm. His very confident attitude and deduction abilities remind me of Sherlock Holmes. The idea of the wizard giving the cat wings, and Wolfgang and his friend having to coax it down was funny. I can't wait to see what trouble he gets into in the next tale!
Chelsey,
ReplyDeleteI just realized that I haven't had a chance to read your storybook yet! I was very intrigued by the title when I was reading through the list so I decided to go ahead and read it this week! I think your storybook looks great overall. I really liked the mysterious look of your blog and the colors/fonts that you chose!
Your introduction was awesome. I thought it was really interested that you thought to make fairy tales a different type of story through the use of the main detective character. The introduction was detailed but not so detailed that I knew exactly what was going to happen. It kept me wanting to read the rest.
In addition to your introduction being great, your stories were also SO COOL! I never thought I would read Rumplestiskin, a story from the Grimm Brothers, or even Hansel and Grethel in this way. I loved that you were able to keep the story's overall plot still, yet give it a spin that kept the reader interested. Great job!
Hey Chelsey!
ReplyDeleteI starting reading through your storybook last week and really enjoyed it, so I decided to come back this week and read a few more tales about the exciting Wolfgang Forrester.
The story "What's your name?" was really interesting! I like how you were able to convey Wolfgang's intelligence and cunning through his observation deduction skills. He seems very adamant that he gets every detail of the story. I guess this is important for a proper deduction! I felt bad for the woman in the story; it seems she continually gets put into bad circumstances through no fault of her own, but instead the greedy actions of others. First, her mean father decides to make up a story about her, and trades her away for the hopes of gaining his own riches (he's certainly not getting a father of the year award). Then, the king that takes her sticks her in a room and threatens to kill her if she doesn't complete the impossible. After she completes this seemingly impossible task, the king still doesn't let her go, and threatens to kill her again. What a jerk! I'm glad through the help of Wolfgang, that everything worked out in the end.
I think your did a great job in how to approach these fairy tales. I love the idea of having a detective dive into exploring what really happens. Your introduction sets the scene perfectly with Wolfgang Forrester and his background as a detective in the enchanted forest. It really grabs the reader’s attention and gets them interested in what stories you are going to have Wolfgang Forrester uncover. The last lines of the introduction are a great way to keep the reader wanting more but not giving away too much.
ReplyDeleteThe story I read was “What’s Your Name?” I thought this title was very clever! As a kid I never understood what the name Rumpelstiltskin meant and so this play on that as the title was clever and funny. It was clever to have the miller’s daughter be the one telling the story and have Wolfgang ties into the story by being the messenger to the queen. It allowed a perfect way for you to tie detective Wolfgang into your story and still follow the basic principle of the tale. I was somewhat distracted by the dialogue switching back and forth in the middle of the paragraph to keep up with who was speaking and saying what, but overall I was able to follow it. I also noticed a minor spelling error in your Author’s note for this tale. In the third sentence of the Author’s note, I believe you meant to say change not chance. Overall great story and I enjoyed your retelling!
Chelsey,
ReplyDeleteI chose to read your storybook again this week because I thought it was such a great theme/topic for a storybook. Also, I really loved reading them the first time because they were so interesting. I have now read "Breadcrumbs" which I think is my favorite story so far. I think it was such a great idea to have Wolfgang find the witch in the oven, and even though it was so gruesome and graphic how you added in all the details about what she looked like, I loved it! It definitely added to your story and it really reminded me of a movie or a television show. I can't wait to see what you add to the story in the second part. I think it is going to be great, and you really left us with a cliffhanger at the end. I will definitely have to come back and finish the story. Good job and good luck on the rest of your story! I can't wait to read it soon!
Whenever I start reading your storybook, the narrator voice in my head instantly turns into one of those stereotypical New York-accented detective voices. It sounds cheesy, but it's just so easy to imagine a detective sitting behind a desk in his office, smoking and wearing some kind of super suave suit. This is all because of the theme you chose and the kind of writing you use. My favorite line has to be, "Murder in the Enchanted Forest. That's right, I said murder." I think just that alone would make me imagine all of the above. :)
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love the detective spin you took on these stories. I'm a sucker for classic stories that are told from a unique perspective! For example, I never bothered to think about what happened at the end of Hansel and Grethel. Someone must have stumbled upon that mess, though, and you described it very well. I can't wait to see what you pick for your last story!
Hey Chelsey, I really liked your story so I had to come back and read the rest!
ReplyDeleteFor your first story, the story of Rumplestiltskin was an excellent one for a mystery. I thought it was interesting that the woman who became queen was excited to marry the man who threatened her with death if she was unable to spin the thread into gold. I could totally picture a detective walking around attempting to find the answer of the riddle and stumbling upon the little man who had done the extortion. This story was an excellent retelling and I loved your change in perspective on it.
The second story was also paced excellently and proved to be a different kind of mystery. I really enjoyed that it was a lighter mystery to find a helper rather than a killer or a kidnapper. The picture you used was great; those shoes look awesome. Like the detective I am not much of a shoe person but I do appreciate a good looking pair of shoes. Overall I thought your stories were excellent and I look forward to coming back for more! Great job!
Chelsey! Thank you for commenting on my Princess Constellations storybook earlier this semester. I had intended to take all cultures. Since the stars see all (literally in the whole world as it spins!) I found it would be a good way to connect all cultures and princesses.
ReplyDeleteWhat made me choose to do this was I picked a central theme (the stars) and what kind of stories they could connect... I did think about animals, certain people, etc. but one thing I found that could be noted in most cultures was Royalty. So I picked princesses! Also I did not see many storybooks with princesses so there's that. :)
Thank you for your interest in my storybook!
Hi Chelsey!! I am reading your storybook for the first time this week for the LAST week of commenting! It's so crazy how fast this class has gone by! I really really loved your storybook! First of all, I really am so judgmental with storybooks and only click the titles that are most interesting! So obviously I thought you had a really creative title and really drew me in! I thought your idea for your storybook was really creative!! It definitely made me think of Robert Downey Jr. from Sherlock Holmes for some reason. The whole time I was imagining him saying everything! Your introduction did a really great job at capturing my attention and I constantly was having fun reading through the stories! I really like the way you embodied the character and had him asking hard questions to everyone as a real detective would. I love the Rumplestiltskin story! It totally took me back to my childhood! I remember reading that story over and over and always imagining meeting him! Breadcrumbs was definitely my favorite though! I was so entertained and really was eager to learn what would happen next! It looks like you had a lot of fun writing this! Really really great job!
ReplyDelete